Are you afraid to feel?
There is a saying in therapy that goes, feel it to heal it.
How many things do we do to avoid feeling something we are not ready (if ever) to confront? Shopping, burying ourselves in work, binge drinking, excessive partying, constantly needing to be in the company of another, pretty much anything that will get in the way of us sitting with the feeling for a minute.
What is it for you? Trauma?, Denial?, Fear?
The thing is, however long you avoid or put off feeling, it stay’s with you until you decide to face it. Until you do this, it may put a strain on your relationship with yourself and with others. You have to feel it to heal it.
The way to go about this, is to begin by throwing judgement out of the window and go there. Be curious. Don’t sink, but be mindful of exactly what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. Is it pain? Is it shame? Is it sadness? Is it tiredness? Are you in debt? Is it your stubbornness to adjust to change? It can be a tough process but remember, this is a personal exercise so there is no need to feel embarrassed.
Whatever feeling you perceive, it is not new. It has been felt before, so have some compassion on yourself, just like you would if it were someone else. Do not punish yourself for past mistakes. Just like you forgive others, forgive yourself and demonstrate a changed behaviour.
It’s funny, but do you realise how quickly we are to console others who are brave enough to open up about what they feel? We almost immediately want them to feel better and so we begin to fill them with words of encouragement while most likely sharing instances where we or others have overcome that feeling.
Do the same with yourself in this personal exercise. Have some self compassion. Cry if you need to. Write if you need to. Talk to yourself if you need to. If you are a believer, Definitely pray about it and let it all out because God already knows and is listening. He will comfort you.
Remember, judgement free zone.
Just like stepping into confidence, this takes practice. When you let go of everything you are suppressing within by feeling it and being compassionate with yourself, it is no longer an elephant in the room. You begin to heal and move forward. There is no hiding that part of you because you have accepted what is and are now equipped with tools to move forward.
You begin to heal and show up as a better version of yourself for yourself and in your relationships.
With this, I hope you will be curious enough to feel your feelings whenever you find yourself avoiding to confront a part of you or a situation in your life.
In a lot of these situations, you will find that after doing the exercise of feeling your feelings, you may want to talk to someone about it. This can sometimes be difficult because you are afraid of being misunderstood or judged.
There is always a process to navigate our feelings and I would like to invite you to share your experiences in the comments on how you were able to feel your feelings and move forward, to help others get through their moments during this process.
If you wish to, join our community and start a conversation, this is where we come together to uplift each other.
If you are stuck on moving on, and need to talk to someone, don’t be afraid. Send us a private message, we’ll be in touch.
Stay blessed.
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